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woman's faceWanna know why it’s so hard to treat yourself nicely? (aka ‘do self-care’)

Self-Care implies that there is something “wrong” or “broken” about a person. Think about it… when you CARE for someone it’s because they are less than 100% in some capacity.

In my world that’s NO-NO #1!

BIG SECRET: There is nothing wrong with you.

The moment we think there is something wrong with us, that we are “incomplete” or “not whole” in someway, we judge ourselves, belittle ourselves, feel guilty.

It may lead us to make changes. But how often do those changes stick? Statistics show…not long.

But then comes a vicious cycle. You fail, you don’t feel good about yourself. You judge yourself and then give up all together. Right? That’s why self-care doesn’t work.

Do this instead…See Yourself As Whole And Complete.

So do that. Right now. Decide to see yourself as completely whole. 100%. If you sit down right now and take a deep breath, you’ll notice that you are alive. You can’t be alive if you aren’t whole.

Congratulations, girlfriend. You are WHOLE!

Now, the second step is to acknowledge this…

Everything is the way it is, NOT because you aren’t complete [read: good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough], but simply because the choices you have made so far haven’t served who you want to be.

Let’s recap:
Step 1: Decide to see yourself as WHOLE. You are complete.
Step 2: Acknowledge that up until now a lot of the choices you’ve made in your life haven’t served who you want to be.

If you’ve gotten this far, you might be thinking, Okay, now what?…
The choices you’ve made up until now have served who you think you are. Not who you really are.

Here’s what it might have looked like in the past:

You decide you want to lose weight so you start to eat less and exercise more. Probably you’re also secretly telling yourself “Oh gosh, this is going to be hard. I’ve got too much to lose…it will never come off. I am SO not a healthy eater. I do NOT exercise. I’m going to hate this.”

You do really well for the first couple days…even the first couple of weeks…but then something happens and it all falls to pieces. You blame the holidays, your busy schedule, your family, or whatever. Am I close?

At first glance it may look like you were right… your weight will never come off. But let’s look at it again. Failure is built in from the start.

How? Motive. Most people’s motive to make a change in their life is based on who they are not…instead of who they want to be. We chose to lose weight because we don’t like who we are…

You’re not a skinny super model so you have to lose weight. You’re not the millionaire mommy so you have to make more money. You aren’t this so you have to do that.

No wonder people aren’t making changes that stick!
Here’s the new way…

Start with who you want to be (aka who you truly are) and go from there. Right now. Write down who you want to be.

Go on…I’ll wait right here.

beep…

bop…

boop…

Did you write down who you want to be DESPITE any “you can’t do that”, “it’s going to be too hard”, “that’ll never happen” talk in your head?

Yes? Great!

No? Don’t worry. I’m about to dish it up in bite-size pieces.

It’s important that who you want to be lines up with who you truly are. I learned this last weekend at a super powerful training on finding our Divine Purpose.

If you want to know more about what ‘divine purpose’ means, email me now: lee(at)leesirwin(dot)com

Check your motive before we move on. Is it naughty or nice?

Now… make a list of 10 things you’ll do once you have become that person.

Here’s what I mean…
Motive: “I’m moving toward having a healthy, strong body”
(so I can go on long walks with my husband and feel like going out with my girlfriends on the weekend)

When I’m a healthier, stronger woman, I’ll…
1) Be active 4 times a week with my children
2) Go on long walks with my husband twice a week
3) Play my favorite dance tunes (and wiggle) while I’m cooking dinner
4) Thank my body for all the ways it has loved me over the years
… all the way up to 10

Sweet! Look at the list. Which ones can you already do (be) now? Today? This week? You’ve got a List that has real Self-Care infused into it!

Nice! That’s your Brighten-Up Tip for this week. Pick one thing you’ll practice, based on who you want to be vs. who are think you are.

To knowing there’s nothing wrong with us, and never has been…

Lee

P.S. – Want to know more about “who you want to be = who you truly are”? E-mail me now: lee(at)leesirwin(dot)com

Masks

In a local book group, we are reading Women, Food and God – An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth.

Roth writes about a retreat she was leading: I asked each person to look in a mirror and tell me what they saw. The litanies of judgments were all very similar. “I can’t stand what I see.”

My body and I are one. There is nothing good about my body and therefore there is nothing good about me.

I asked them to look beyond the color and shape of their eyes and remember what it was like to be a child before they began to label and name the objects in their world. What it was like to see an extravaganza of form and color before they knew it was a rose and could compare it to other roses.

After we discussed last month’s chapter “Beyond What’s Broken” the women in book group gave ourselves a homework assignment: Go home and look at yourself in the mirror for 1 minute each day. Write down any thoughts that come to you. Repeat every day for 30 days.

This seemingly simple task was surprisingly difficult. Some of the women reported that they never look in the mirror. Others said they tried, but gave up. It’s too disheartening to hear the critical tapes running in my head, they said.

I’m curious. Why do we hate to look at ourselves in the mirror? Where does this critical voice come from and why do we listen, let alone hold lifelong conversations with it?

A friend sent me a short video that sheds light on the self-judgment so common to women. I wonder, iss this an issue for men too?

Click here. I hope it helps you take a peek into a new way of seeing yourself.

 http://youtu.be/XpaOjMXyJGk

~~  Challenge this week ~~

Be courageous. Look at your face for 1 minute. Write down what you were thinking during those 60 seconds. Believe me, I know how hard this can be.

Leave a comment here, telling me how this went for you.  I appreciate you for trying it!

Tired of nagging?

How many times do I have to tell you to blah-blah-blah!”  Nagging. It’s just not that sexy.

Let’s face it. We have a long to-do list and we’d sure like some help getting things done. The problem comes in when we hound our spouse to do a task that’s been on the list for, well, eons. He pushes back or ignores our pleas. We feel irritated or dejected. Nobody is happy.

The bottom line is that women want to see their man as a hero…their hero. But we women don’t seem to know how ask without being mean. When you nag him, he can’t win. Even if he does what you want, he feels blackmailed. Nobody wins. Yuck! You don’t want that!

So you’re all excited about getting what you want from your man, right?

Yay! Now how do you do it?

***********************************

Here are 3 simple tips to help you turn your nagging into bragging (on your man):

1. GET CLEAR. Describe what you want in specific words so that he can see a crystal clear picture of the outcome you want.

I want you to paint our bedroom with this can of paint by the Friday before Easter.

2. GET PROUD. Do what it takes to trust your own thinking. Embrace your desires. Smile!

Believe that what you want is actually good for both of you and for your relationship.

3. ASK. Don’t be wishy-washy or apologize. Use bon-bons instead of bombs.

I want this because…tell him why you want it. i.e., “Painting the bedroom will help me feel supported and proud of our home”

***********************************


One reader told me she got her husband to paint the bedroom when she suggested they do it together…naked!

What’s your favorite way to get what you want from your man, without nagging?

Please leave comments on my blog http://wp.me/p1mNJt-2H

or Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/No-Limits-Coaching/162405951819

Thanks, and happy bragging!

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